I still feel like a complete ass that apparently my mistake first thing that morning opened up the behind-the-scenes mocking and then I was off with another school group (like watching an alien species, David Attenbourough should have been narrating!) and didn't find out until the kids had left for the weekend.

I'll have to have a pow-wow with the other counselor and the education manager next week.

Thanks, Steph!

But, beyond the bullies, now I'm extra worried about how to interact with the girl.

I completely agree about shutting down the bullying without making it about the bullying target.

Rationalizing that the bullies should stop because the target is deficient i.e. "You should stop hurting her because she doesn't understand/is different/whatever," gives power to the behavior rather than "bullying is never justified or acceptable, period."

As for the child. It is difficult to have much of an impact in such a brief acquaintance. However, the resiliency in childhood study done in Hawaii suggests that even one, brief relationship with an adult who believes in a child can make a huge difference. It certainly worked for me.

In this case, it may not apply if the child has a neurological limitation but the one thing that CAN help is to purge yourself of the personal agitation her behavior ignites.

When she asks the same question over and over, you can stop, calmly ask her if she remembers asking the question before, and does she remember the answer? She may not have the capacity to do so. If that is the case, she really isn't trying to annoy anyone. If she DOES have the capacity to remember and you get such an indication in her response, then, if she asks again, you can remind her that she asked that already and just move on.

Is there anyone in your group who gets on well with kids? It might be useful to ask that person to have a talk with her. If not, it may be that your only coping mechanism is to be as patient as possible and keep the mean girls in line.

If any good can come of this...and, of course, it is not your job to change these kids' lives...it may be in modeling a firm hand against the bullying. I completely see how you would be tempted to join them, but this may be your chance to actually help them.

Total x-posting!

Oh, and I didn't say this, but I was totally thinking it:

As for the child. It is difficult to have much of an impact in such a brief acquaintance. However, the resiliency in childhood study done in Hawaii suggests that even one, brief relationship with an adult who believes in a child can make a huge difference. It certainly worked for me.

In this case, it may not apply if the child has a neurological limitation but the one thing that CAN help is to purge yourself of the personal agitation her behavior ignites.

One thought. I don't know if she actually does smell badly or if her pants really don't have belt loops, but my mom, a teacher, has given kids a belt (or maybe deodorant) in the past and told them something like "While you are here, you need this to be able to learn/do what you are supposed to be doing here. You can use it here and leave it here at the end of the day or take it home with you." If you feel comfortable, that's an option.

thanks, bonny, that really helps.

I have so much newfound respect for educators after just one week. Even working with the little aliens, the intelligence and quick-thinking needed to deal with them while still giving a good experience is amazing to witness.

My fallback is to usually deal with things logically, but when someone asks me point blank in front of others why they still smell after taking a shower, I'm at a loss about how to not embarrass them, and not encourage bad showering practices.

Olivia (5) wants to call her friend Liam (also 5) to get hints for Portal 2.

Julie, the one major thing I have learned as a mental health professional is to put my extreme need for logic on hold when necessary.

Many deficiencies cannot be understood. They can only be managed.

You may not be able to stop the questions or the verbal explosions, but you can take the expectation and anger out of it.

The reason I asked about getting someone else to talk to her is for exactly what Stephanie's mom did. If the child has the capacity to take practical advice, that attempt to give her some power might make a difference. If not, well, at least you can feel as if you did your best.

OFTEN in this life, that's all that is possible.

Olivia (5) wants to call her friend Liam (also 5) to get hints for Portal 2.

Tim (45) may be calling Olivia. Well, assuming we actually get around to intalling Steam on the laptop and then buying Portal 2. Or maybe we should buy Portal first?

Seriously, though, someone on another board linked to a video of GLaDOS, and he became obsessed and hunted down all the videos he could find of GLaDOS, and now he wants to play Portal. I conveniently have a new laptop that's fast enough to play it.

So he may be begging your kid for hints.

Video walkthroughs on YouTube. It's a lot easier to watch a solution than try to describe it.

"So you jump off the thing and shoot the blue gun and then bounce and then shoot the yellow gun and wait for the turret and then turn 45 degrees..."

I still feel like a complete ass that apparently my mistake first thing that morning opened up the behind-the-scenes mocking and then I was off with another school group (like watching an alien species, David Attenbourough should have been narrating!) and didn't find out until the kids had left for the weekend.

You know what? Don't beat yourself up about it. You asked for help, recognized there was a problem and want to take action to rectify the situation. That's about all we can ask in day to day living.

BTW, if she asks you that question again (about odors and showering), you might just say: "perhaps we can talk about that privately?" and at your soonest opportunity, talk to her about it.

If she is just hitting puberty, this might just be her way of wanting to talk about changes to her body and maybe her mother needs to know that she needs to have a "talk."