Shrimp rolls with bacon.

I would like to hear more about these, please.

Larb?

Is this a "what is it" question? If so, it's a Thai meat salad. Nom.

Yeah, Dana. Thank you! I couldn't tell if it was a typo for lamb or just something I'd never heard of.

Larb: [link]

Now I want larb, yet I have none.

Hivemind help, please.

A few of the kids from the dojo go to school with CJ. There is one boy - J - who is of similar age and size. He is a couple of ranks ahead of CJ in karate, but over the last couple of years it is CJ who has kept him from getting into fights at school.

I've know they are competitive along with being buddies, but things have taken a turn for the worse recently. J has been "jokingly" bumping into CJ, hard. Has thrown erasers at him along with pencils. CJ showed me a bloody mark on his shoulder that was the result of a pencil attack. He has shown me other marks on his body, supposedly caused by J.

I have tried to encourage CJ to talk with J directly. Or J's dad (who also takes karate). Or the teachers since this is happening at school. CJ's response is that "it won't change anything". Which, to me, is the classic response of someone who is being bullied.

Do I step in? Do I push him to confront the issue? With who? I'd rather talk with J's dad (we are buds). If CJ is the one to speak up, I'd rather see him talk with the teachers and invoke the anti-bullying rules.

In most cases, I really try to get him to fight his own battles, but he has physical marks on him and that is NOT COOL.

I am having social life panic. As in, I have one. And I have nails to do, leaves to rake, cookie recipes to come up with, trips to take, miles to swim, sanding to figure out, tools and presents to buy AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIT IT ALL IN. I haven't done shit on the banister in weeks and it is making me nuts, but I need to do some research but first I have to do my annual insurance shit and and and. I kinda wish TG and Xmas weren't a mere month apart. It makes this time of year far too busy normally, and god knows I've ramped up my projects list a lot since a couple year ago, even a year ago.

And really, this is a happy complaint, one I am glad to have but I'm tired in advance.

Suzi, first I'd try to talk to CJ some more -- maybe lay out what could happen if he doesn't talk to the teachers or J directly, i.e. other kids getting bullied who don't have CJ's self-defense skills, etc. Maybe if you can appeal to his sense of justice and protectiveness, it would help?

Also, I'm sure at his age he doesn't want you to fight battles for him, but I agree that physical marks are not cool. So I would be up front and tell him he has to make a decision -- either tackle the matter on his own, or you will. But, um, making it sound less ultimatum-ish. (You could also explain that in this case, you're concerned with protecting him, and hope he'll understand that.)

Suzi, my kneejerk was to talk to the dad, but I'm kinda confrontational like that, and it might not be best and could end ugly. Could you ( or encourage CJ) talk to the instructors at the dojo? They probably have dealt with kids who are enrolled due to bullying from both sides of it, and might be a good intermediary to talk to both the kid and his dad (when my dad and brother took tae kwon do, they spent a lot of energy on this sort of thing, as bullying was SO NOT OK in that sphere, and a lot of kids started out because they were either bullied or to focus their bullying into something constructive.) That way it has less chance of getting heated and ugly, couched in the dojo ethos.

Shrimps. Wrapped in bacon. All sorts of win.

How old is CJ? 13?

Hrm. I was mercilessly teased as a kid, and it would have made a huge difference had an adult intervened. Since Cj has already said he doesn't feel like he can handle it (in so many words) I think you need to listen to that.

I'd have a quiet word with J's dad, since you are friendly, and then -- and this is me, cause I am not subtle -- I would find a quiet moment with J and say, "You know, I see it when you do stuff that leaves marks on my kid. Adults really DO see more than you think. Every bad thing you've done up til now? I've done badder, and I did it smarter, because I didn't get caught. Make sure you are making really good decisions when you're roughhousing, because I am watching. And I will know. So be the good kid I know you can be."

Kids can be awful, and especially when it's under-the-radar stuff that they won't be caught it. It freaks the shit out of them when they realize that someone sees INTO Kidworld, and not over it. Sometimes, all you have to do is say "I see you. I'm watching. I know." to get the behavior to stop.