I am having social life panic. As in, I have one. And I have nails to do, leaves to rake, cookie recipes to come up with, trips to take, miles to swim, sanding to figure out, tools and presents to buy AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIT IT ALL IN. I haven't done shit on the banister in weeks and it is making me nuts, but I need to do some research but first I have to do my annual insurance shit and and and. I kinda wish TG and Xmas weren't a mere month apart. It makes this time of year far too busy normally, and god knows I've ramped up my projects list a lot since a couple year ago, even a year ago.

And really, this is a happy complaint, one I am glad to have but I'm tired in advance.

Suzi, first I'd try to talk to CJ some more -- maybe lay out what could happen if he doesn't talk to the teachers or J directly, i.e. other kids getting bullied who don't have CJ's self-defense skills, etc. Maybe if you can appeal to his sense of justice and protectiveness, it would help?

Also, I'm sure at his age he doesn't want you to fight battles for him, but I agree that physical marks are not cool. So I would be up front and tell him he has to make a decision -- either tackle the matter on his own, or you will. But, um, making it sound less ultimatum-ish. (You could also explain that in this case, you're concerned with protecting him, and hope he'll understand that.)

Suzi, my kneejerk was to talk to the dad, but I'm kinda confrontational like that, and it might not be best and could end ugly. Could you ( or encourage CJ) talk to the instructors at the dojo? They probably have dealt with kids who are enrolled due to bullying from both sides of it, and might be a good intermediary to talk to both the kid and his dad (when my dad and brother took tae kwon do, they spent a lot of energy on this sort of thing, as bullying was SO NOT OK in that sphere, and a lot of kids started out because they were either bullied or to focus their bullying into something constructive.) That way it has less chance of getting heated and ugly, couched in the dojo ethos.

Shrimps. Wrapped in bacon. All sorts of win.

How old is CJ? 13?

Hrm. I was mercilessly teased as a kid, and it would have made a huge difference had an adult intervened. Since Cj has already said he doesn't feel like he can handle it (in so many words) I think you need to listen to that.

I'd have a quiet word with J's dad, since you are friendly, and then -- and this is me, cause I am not subtle -- I would find a quiet moment with J and say, "You know, I see it when you do stuff that leaves marks on my kid. Adults really DO see more than you think. Every bad thing you've done up til now? I've done badder, and I did it smarter, because I didn't get caught. Make sure you are making really good decisions when you're roughhousing, because I am watching. And I will know. So be the good kid I know you can be."

Kids can be awful, and especially when it's under-the-radar stuff that they won't be caught it. It freaks the shit out of them when they realize that someone sees INTO Kidworld, and not over it. Sometimes, all you have to do is say "I see you. I'm watching. I know." to get the behavior to stop.

Oh, and sarameg? What kind of cookie recipes do you need to come up with, for what? That seems like a task I, and maybe others, could help with, at least.

And those leaves ain't hurting nothing; fuss about those last. Also, you have done a Herculean job on those banisters. They'll wait, too.

CJ is 14. He is physically stronger than J, but has much better control over his temper than J.

Erin, I'll have to write a crib sheet of that. I love it!

CJ and I talked a bit more and I think he is going to talk with his Language Arts teacher since that is where they were when J stabbed him in the shoulder with a pencil. He drew blood. I want to draw blood.

I will follow up with J's dad tomorrow afternoon, depending on what happened with CJ's talk with the teacher.

I'm glad CJ is going to try and do some himself. Esp since he has had some of J's issues. Even if you and J's dad have to to step in, it is good for CJ to see what he can do

The leaves get tracked inside, so I gotta deal with them. And it is satisfying, just LEAVES FALL ALREADY.

As far as cookies, it is for a cookie challenge I did last year, put on by lisah's friends at Atomic Books. Then, I came up with white chocolate chile lime cashew cookies, and they were good. I want to do something outrageous and weird again. I make a good chocolate chip bourbon cookie, but this is my chance to play around. I'm thinking of doctoring up a peparkokr with ginger or glaze or something. Or weird nuts. I like taking a couplethree weeks of experimenting and foisting it off on neighbors and coworkers, but I don't know when I'll have the time to bake. And peparkokr is a bitch, not being a drop cookie and me with minimal counterspace.

That sounds like a good plan, Suzi.

Glad your over-scheduling is for stuff that you want to do, sara.

Shrimps. Wrapped in bacon. All sorts of win.

Follow up question: how do I get some?