I had anesthesia when I had my D&C several years ago, pre-Ellie. When they knocked me out, I was very cold and scared and shaking and I woke up crying, which I remember, and the nurse was very quick with the Demerol. Which put me in the most relaxed state ever. I have this very clear memory of saying goodbye to that baby and telling him that I wouldn't forget him. Logically, I know that the emotional intensity I felt was related to the drugs, but it went a long way in giving me closure on that whole experience.

Oh, man. A St. Jude's commercial just sent me into a total cry fest. Their tag line was something about being thankful for having healthy kids.

While my kids didn't go through St. Jude's, they both went through major medical stuff when they were small. Things that our fabulous doctors recognized and got successful treatments underway quickly. Not a day goes by where I don't think about it even though most days it is just a passing thought. But I clearly remember the days where that was the only thought.

Anyway, I fell apart. Poor CJ didn't know what had set me off and it was so hard to explain to him. I want to hug the stuffings out of both of them, but I'm afraid I'd scare them.

Suzi, that commercial makes me teary too. I called my younger nephew to wish him a happy sixth birthday the other day, and I am eternally grateful to the doctors who did such an amazing job on his heart surgeries and that he is happy and healthy today.

omg am up, still wired. not good.

am doing tasks that need doing though, so that's good.

Sorry to have disappeared on everyone. Today has been a holiday clusterfuck. And I still need to run out in the rain and do some midnight Xmas shopping. Which I hate.

I'm glad it sounds like Kat and Grace are settled in for the night.

PS--go to bed soon, msbelle.

seriously, msbelle.

midnight Xmas shopping? What craziness is that? Isn't it reserved for day after Thanksgiving?

Staying here is like the least restful hotel in Vegas ever. Round the clock busy-ness. Weird halflight time feeling. Something is always going on. Wicked expensive.

I was so hoping the bizarre dream that sent me shockily awake had carried me to at least 3 am. Curses.

Man, those cats were big.

Were they giant housecats or, you know, impressive BIG cats?

I keep waiting for thunder and/or lightening.

Why am I awake?

They were massive, blocking out the tops of trees, cats. But they looked like housecats. And they had something to do with spoilers. It was a really wacked out dream.

Okay, more Ambien taken. I'm going to try lying down again.

Sleep speed to you, Kat! (And, damn, I don't envy you on the hospital thing--least restful places ever)