And here is another idea that might help you stick to your principles with this girl, Shir. Allowing her to walk all over you, even in the name of genuine concern for her well-being, does her soul, her integrity, her heart of hearts, no good. To put it in religious terms, what she is doing is a sin. It is not right for her to drain you so much. She says it is in the cause of friendship, but it is not. What she is doing is in the cause of avoiding the pain of taking responsibility for her own shit. You can call a pig a chicken, but that doesn't make it kosher.
It is a positive good thing to prevent another person from sinning. If you stop her from crossing your boundaries, either by painfully enforcing them each and every day with her, or by removing her from your situation, you are going to do her far more good than if you continue to let her harm you.
Do Affirmations help you? Some people get a lot of good out of repeating positive messages to themselves. If this is the kind of thing that works for you, here is another twist on the idea - saying a Release. Something like, "I release ____ in love to her own highest path. I release her need for me. I release her to take responsibility for her needs." Saying it like this may help you to not feel so guilty for cutting her off. The thing is, yeah, we want to help others, particularly those who call us friends. And continuing to give to this person feels like helping, especially since she keeps saying it helping her. So it is hard to stop, and even harder to stop feeling guilty about not helping. But saying Releases for your friend can reinforce the idea that you are stopping her out of caring for her as well as for yourself, rather than out of indifference or malice.
My mother is using e-mail. This could possibly be a sign of the apocalypse.
Fay, much cat and home~ma to you.
sj, mothers and technology - often quite terrifying. Mind you, one step further along the road of terror is grandmothers and technology. My grandmother took a computer class, and now she sends me e-mails. When something goes wrong with the computer, usually of the sort where the URL is wrong or a tick-box in preferences needs to be unticked, she gets my g/f to come over and fix it for her (I mostly live in a different city, or she'd be getting me to do it). It's quite funny. "The screen with google on it won't come up so I can't find hotmail." I told her about bookmarks...
Cat~ma for Fay.
Cheers, guys.
Honestly, I feel
murderous
towards that guy. If he DOES go and complain about my cat, just to be a fucking busybody shithead - Jesus. My cat is this timid wee scone who doesn't do much miaowing, and he is stuck in this tiny apartment 24/7. He has NO IMPACT upon anyone else anywhere in the building. He just eats, and sleeps, and occasionally chases balls and his toy monkey around the floor. That's it.
The guy DOESN'T EVEN LIVE ON MY FLOOR. The only people who could possibly be bothered are my next door neighbours, and they've never said a word. Hell, my TV & singing in the shower are both a damn sight louder than the cat.
Grrrr.
WindSparrow, thank you so much for your words. Seeing this written this way... I'm not that religious, but you wrote down exactly what's bothering me about this. Because just thinking about stopping the relationship with her - merely consulting with you, guys - is making me feel guilty. And as is I'm doing it for my own good.
I'm not familiar with the Affirmations/Releases, but when I'll realize how exactly I'm telling her I don't want to see her or talk with her anymore until she'll take better care of herself (God, that sounds so cruel) and regroup, I'm going to try it.
It's just very hard. Especially when she says I'm helping her a lot, only I really don't think/feel I am. In fact, I feel just the opposite, and like it's doing both of us wrong.
Kindda hate that situation.
Fay, much cat/home~ma.
What a dickhead, Fay. I'm sending all the cat ~ma in the world to you and also lighting candles that a plague of frogs should come and pee on the shitheel's head.
Mind you, one step further along the road of terror is grandmothers and technology.
My 94 year old grandfather is an avid e-mail user. He also is a Linux user since I built his computer with Fedora Core.
