I don't know the answer about your friend, because the bottom line is you are helping her at the expense of your own mental health and ability to get work done you need to get done. She obviously will push as hard as she can to have you continue to help at that cost to you. So basically the question is how strong your survival instincts are. You set limits or you don't. It doesn't sound like she is going to honor limits: she will walk right over any lines you draw if you let her, push as hard as she can against any lines you don't let her cross. So basically that leaves it your decision how much damage you let her do to you in order to help her. So no advice. Once you decide on that tradeoff, there are lots of wise people on this list who can help you figure out how to enforce. But first you have to decide how much are willing to endanger your own survival to meet her needs. If the situation were slightly more dramatic, would take a bullet for her? If not, that might be a guide for this admittedly less extreme situation.

But I would totally take a bullet for my friends...it still doesn't mean I'd be doing it for healthy reasons.

That's the thing, Typo Boy: I kindda know my limits. Only when I ask her to respect them, it's not happening, for some reason (from "I gotta hang up now. Really" to when I tell her I can't talk with her, she emails instead, kindda expecting me to pick up from there).

I never understood the "would you take a bullet for" questions. In theory, I'd take a bullet for anyone unless he/she are the ones who are pointing the gun at me. In reality, between the flight or fight, I'm the freeze.

Either way, it's the classical "needs me more than I need her" case. Which never turns out well.

But again, advice has to be based on what people are actually willing to do. Quite often giving into something like this is done without really straight out facing what you are doing. But you are right that the bullet is probably a bad analogy. I would take bullets for people I would not let push past my boundaries like that. Differnt circumstances. I guess the main point is that I don't that whether to let the boundaries be crossed is not something that good advice can be given on. For what it is worth, I wouldn't but not much discussion. But basically any advice has to be based on a firm determination not let boundaries be crossed. Cause not much to say if the decision is the other way.

X-post. OK so that is clear. You are willing to enforce boundaries. You just need advice on the how. Cause then yeah, I think we have a lot of smart people who can help with that one. In that case I would just be mean and hang up, but I'm not the best person when it comes to figuring out th tactful way to do things.

Edit: redundant post, I guess. I'm leaving it here in case it'll help someone to understand the situation better.

Typo Boy, I get what you're saying, about how I'm letting that situation continue.

Let me rephrase, then. What I need now is an advice how to tell someone who is convinced she is respecting said limits that in fact, she really doesn't, and I'd be very much relived to finish our communication because of that. I don't see her changing and not asking her to change her ways to keep in touch with me, but I spent a hell lot of time shaping my life the way I want them to be (work in progress), but mostly, surrounded by the ones I want and love next to me. And with the current relationship, I just don't want her there. And I think it's more fair than asking her to change.

In the stuff I didn't need to know category, my upstairs neighbor and her teenage son are fighting about which one drinks more alcohol.

Ouch, sj. In that situation, if I weren't brought up with my own Straight Edge mentality, I'd say I would be the one to drink more alcohol.

Because I am a dork, I took a picture of my dinner. I made the mac and cheese a lot better by recooking a square of it in a pan with some margarine. Cut down the mustard taste and gave it the more buttery taste that I thought it needed. (Um, ignore the errant bit of spinach on the counter. I'm not so good at cleaning as at cooking.) [link]

That looks yummy, Hil. I'm eating salt water taffy and I can't stop watching Veronica Mars on hulu.