A backpack (which I had asked for), but with all the different pockets filled with subway tokens. He had secretly arranged with one of my housemates to buy the 100 subway tokens and have them sent to him in NH.

That's an awesome present!!!

My best friend and I gave each other the same record for xmas one year in highschool. A Red Hot Chili Peppers EP (Baby Appeal backed with Get Up and Jump)...just had to confirm with best friend. She remembers EVERYTHING! (very handy!)

One of the best "in-tune" Christmas gifts I ever got was from my father shortly after I started grad school in NYC. A backpack (which I had asked for), but with all the different pockets filled with subway tokens. He had secretly arranged with one of my housemates to buy the 100 subway tokens and have them sent to him in NH.

Aw. That's awesome.

I don't mind being asked about what gifts I want, especially since I have no space for extraneous stuff. I do keep an Amazon wishlist, so that my family can look at what I'm interested in without having to ask me.

Had to skip, have been head-down in finishing up classwork. Did watch the women's marathon on Saturday as I was working - wow. I don't think I've ever seen such an impressive lead at the end. Poor Paula Radcliffe, too.

Randomish question, would you rather be asked what you want for a birthday present (thus increasing the chances you'll get something you really want or need) or have the person figure it out on their own (potentially getting you something you don't want or need)?

If there *is* something specific that I want (i.e., book that was just released, etc.), then I have no problem being asked what I want.

I hate being asked what I want.

Me too. If you have to ask what someone wants it makes it seem like more of an obligation than a gift.

Really? I consider it an opportunity to give them something that they actually want instead of crap that they'll pack off to Goodwill.

I dislike present-giving being a big test of How Well Do You Know Me And If Not, Why Not, You Goddamn Ingrate My Mother Was Right About You.

See I figure with close friends or family they should know me well enough to be able to figure it out! I do for them! OR have the sense to get in touch with one of my best friends (they all know each other) and ask them.

I think that expecting the person to figure it out can create a lot of stress and pressure, and implies that if you *can't* figure it out, you aren't really a good friend/don't REALLY love your spouse/etc. Some people are just hard to buy for.

Or am I the only person who knows at least 2 or 3 people who already have everything they want/need?

Some people are bad shoppers, too. They have the best intentions, and they love their spouse/friend/whoever dearly, but they just suck at shopping. I know people like that, too.

Let me pose a similar question, then: for the people who don't want to be asked what you want as a gift, how do you respond when someone asks you what you want? Do you tell them you want to be surprised? And when you get the gift, even if you love it, wouldn't you feel just a tiny bit bad if you knew that your friend/loved one spent weeks trying to figure out what in the hell to get you? Or would you just figure that if they spent weeks trying to figure out the perfect gift, they must not love you enough to know you that well?

I don't particularly like being asked point blank, but I try to make sure to give plenty of hints to the DH and Mom. I will say stuff like, "I'd really like some new earrings," or "It's so cool that lots of my favorite TV shows are coming out on DVD this year." That gives them lots of room to choose things, but helps them look in a specific area. I like that kind of guidance when I asm buying gifts myself.

The DH always wants a special guitar or some esoteric guitar-related thing, so he picks it out himself on eBay. I buy him a surprise little thing to go with. He loves the eBay shopping as much as the gift, so letting him pick it out is part of the gift in a way.

we BOTH read it before giving it!

Heh. That's like the Christmas my sister and I exchanged charity goats.

I don't mind being asked, though I've never asked anyone. Sometimes I wish I had, because I'm convinced I suck at gift-giving, but I'm self conscious about it because I can never keep track of who hates it.

It's the one-year anniversary of Vampire People.

Wow! Really? That's great. I think we're some famouser...we got our own little crop of Vampire People posters.

And a follow-up question for the people who don't like being asked what they want for a present: how do you feel about monetary gifts?

I can't believe it's been a year!

I think that expecting the person to figure it out can create a lot of stress and pressure, and implies that if you *can't* figure it out, you aren't really a good friend/don't REALLY love your spouse/etc.

I do get that, but at the same time I really don't want anything, and I tell them so. Or I tell people who push it to take me out to dinner sometime, or come hang out, or otherwise spend time. And failing that, "oh, any old thing". I feel fairly self-conscious at people giving me things at all, and positively horrified at the thought that they did so because they feel like they're obligated to.

When I say "it feels like a shopping list" I don't mean "they're making me do the work". I mean "I feel like I'm using them like a servant". And I've learned to be pretty point blank about saying that if I say I don't want anything, I'm not playing the coy "you have to guess the perfect thing" game.

If someone wants to, spontaneously, because it's Tuesday? Awesome. I love to do that too, and I have huge gratitude for people who do it. But Christmas and birthdays and especially Valentines and anniversaries and such, I have Teh Issues about anyone getting me anything because some rule outside of our relationship says they're supposed to, so they must not really want to.

but at the same time I really don't want anything, and I tell them so.

To be fair, I wasn't talking about people like you. I didn't mean people who truly don't want anything and aren't just playing a mindfuck.

I meant people who dislike being asked what they want, because that means the other person doesn't know you well enough to find a gift that suits you to a T and captures the essence of your relationship and commemorates whatever holiday it also happens to be.

Seriously, there's a reason Amazon has wish lists.