Something's been on my mind... so I'm just going to think out loud here and see if any one has comments....
So I've recently decided I want to attempt dating again. Which made me thing about my Match.com profile, where I've specified that I'd prefer to date someone who's agnostic or atheist. I've been mulling it over and now I'm not sure if I should limit my potential dating pool to non-theists. And the more I thought about it, the more I found it difficult to articulate why I don't want to date a religious person.
My original thought was that a person's religious perspective (or lack thereof) is a very significant (perhaps the most significant) part of their outlook on life, so I wanted someone who shared my outlook. Related to that, I think I was looking for someone who thinks the same as me in many respects. Now I'm starting to suspect that there isn't anyone who thinks just like me, and that it really isn't necessary for two people to love each other. (Need I mention that I haven't dated much in recent decades?)
Another reason for me wanting to not date a religious person is the fear that she'll look at me as some poor lost soul who won't accept the Truth of Jesus (or Whatever) into my life. But if she's more thinking, "I believe this, he believes that; who knows for sure who's right?" - well, I think I could live with that.
Like I said - I find it hard to articulate my feelings on this.
Questions? Comments? </Soulless Willow>
Don't people have to work, or take personal phone calls, or just do long conference calls or anything? I don't understand not being able to close a door if you have one!
We are moving to a new office with an open seating plan (i.e. all cubes, all the time). I will so miss my door. I told boss to expect me to be WAH (working at home) far more frequently.
Tommy -- you don't want to date a Jesus Freak (etc.), but neither do I, and I believe in Jesus! I think it's definitely possible for two people to have compatible but not identical viewpoints. I think it would be reasonable to say you're an athiest, but open to dating anyone -- anyone who's interested in dating an athiest!
If you specify your beliefs but state that you are open, you'll probably attract others who are open. A devoutly religious person wouldn't contact you, for example. Where I could see this getting sticky is if you ever want to have children. I've seen cases in which not very religious people change their tune when they have kids.
I'm with Jesse, tommy. There are life values that can come out of religion that are the same as ones that come without religion, and that's the big stuff.
Tommy, there's probably a lot of people out there who believe in some kind of god/are spiritual, but that aren't actively religious. Just because they believe doesn't mean they want to convert.
What they said. There's no reason to think that if someone is religious that they will try to convert you, condescend to you, or otherwise be a dick about it. Bob is religious practically for a living and it's not an issue in our relationship.
tommy, I think it really really depends on the individual -- and possibly also the region, as different parts of the country definitely vary in their concentration of "I believe this; he believes that" vs. "Poor lost soul!" theists. I know of at least two very happy theist/atheist mixed marriages among my circle of acquaintances; in both cases there seems to be a great deal of mutual openness and respect -- both theists are big readers whose knowledge base ranges far outside their own particular faiths and who, while they firmly believe what they believe, explicitly reject any notion that anyone who fails to believe just what they do is inherently wicked and hellbound, and both atheists are scrupulous about not mocking their partners' beliefs and respecting the fact that these are some of the things that made the people they love exactly who they are.
It does seem that, as long as there's mutual respect for the other person's point of view, it's one of those differences that are more negotiable than they seem, but it also seems to mostly depend on the individuals. So it may be something you wouldn't want to screen against from the beginning.
What makes it slightly more pressing is I've met someone in real life (not online) (Which, like, hasn't happened to me in years). We're gonna go out (on a date!) in a week and a half. So far, the religious thing hasn't been a major topic of conversation, but I do know that briefly she was pursuing a Masters in religious studies. She's rather progressive but does go to church almost every Sunday. She's also kind of New-Agey (I think). My Evil Godless ways haven't come up yet, although she knows I'm not a conservative Christian like my parents and that I've done the sperm donor thing to my sister's GF.
It's weird - If I'd run across her online at a dating site I probably wouldn't have contacted her, figuring we were too different, but in actuality I'm a little smitten with her.
Comments: I suspect there are people out there who consider themselves believers in Something who don't feel the need for someone they date to be a believer in the same Something or Anything at all. You might like to date some of them, so don't limit yourself. Cast the net wide-ish, I say.
Which is totally easy for me to say, since I'm not casting any nets at the moment.
