I know! And they're totally set up for it. They won't even consider just someone from the church coming over to sit with dad for a few hours so mom can get out and about.

She has something of a martyr complex, too. She quit her teaching job to care for us kids. Then when we were out of the house, my grandma became blind and they moved her in and mom was he primary caregiver for seven years until her death. Then they moved back to Hawaii and had a few happy years there tending the coffee farm. Then dad got sick, and as his illness progressed it became clear they would need more care than they could get on the islands. So they came back to the mainland, built an accessible home in a community with good church and medical support and...won't use it. I dunno!

My parents made pretty good arrangements for end of life care, and then Dad was too proud to use most of them. I was pissed at the time, because I thought he experienced more pain than he needed to. But he was of sound mind, pretty much, and I didn't feel I could override him. What with the cancer, the difference in life expectancy was probably not more than weeks, if that. And not the most enjoyable weeks. It was hard to watch, though.

I recently compared living in my neighborhood to living in the dorms, just we have whole houses to ourselves and an adult sense of space.

That's a lot like my apartment complex.

Re: sleep. I get really cold when I'm sleepy, unless the temperature's unreasonably high. So I sleep under a sheet and down comforter, and a thermal blanket in the winter. I like nightgowns, cotton flannel in winter and light woven cotton in the summer. I drift off on my left side and roll over to my right side before completely falling asleep. (I'm deaf in my right ear so sleeping on my right side blocks out most random night noise.) When I wake up I'm usually overly warm. I guess my metabolism has some pretty set rhythms.

I'm so grateful that my Mom went into assisted living so that she got the care she needed to stay independent as long as possible. Best thing she did for us was clearing out her house of 50+ years occupancy (with a FULL attic and cellar) so that while her estate has been a bear to deal with, it wasn't at least cave-bear size.

Hoarding: Buried Alive did an interesting episode recently where it was the children of a hoarder dealing with the post-mortem hoard -- usually the focus is on the hoarder dealing with the problem aided (or hampered) by family. This was all about the process the grieving children went through when they had to deal with the capital-M Mess left behind.

Time to get the household stoned stain and freeze my ass off with all the windows and doors open in the basement!

Ugh. Sleep last night was bad. I was so cold when I went to sleep and put on pants and a hoodie. And turned on the heat. And then didn't wake up in the night and turn OFF the heat until I woke up this morning feeling like crap, because it was boiling hot in the room. Oops.

Well, yesterday was crazy busy and I have a lot to do today, but I feel really good, having gone on a lovely 4+ mile run in the hills. I wonder if it made a difference eating a cookie and half a cup of tea before I ran? I usually don't have anything, or maybe just a tangerine, but I had so much more energy than I did yesterday morning...

I really do recommend that people have The Talk with their parents: is there a plan? How are their finances? And all that. It's uncomfortable, but so vital. Me, I kept trying to have the talk, and they just refused to engage on it, which resulted in this endless series of moves. (Of course, we didn't expect Mom to get so difficult the way she did...)

I keep having new talks (now) with my mother, because stuff comes up, and I think it's easier to bring up one thing at a time. Like, when my parents first set up medical powers of attorney, they were each others, but now I need to be my mom's.

What's tricky for my mom about her living arrangements are they are dependent on both my father and her mother. On her own, my mother would sell the house and move into an apartment for sure. Ideally, an apartment in the coop building where she's friends with all the other people who live there, but that's a long shot. BUT! My grandmother's not moving anywhere, and who knows how much longer she'll live. And who knows what kind of care my father will need and when. We haven't actually talked about it, but I can't imagine her moving him if it's not to a facility -- I mean, if my grandmother died tomorrow and they could sell the house, I don't think my mother would.

I dunno, man. I would move into the downstairs apartment after my grandmother dies, except my mother rightly pointed out that the two of us don't really want to take care of the house.

So we'll see.

In awesome news, I came home from yoga and did dishes (including some that had been in the fridge for too long) and cleaned the stove top, and my apartment is still kind of a hole, but not in those two spots!

Staining done! Now I might just indulge the Loki and take him for a walk. Then I'll swim. And do my nails! I have to clean this weekend, but I'll leave that for tomorrow. Also, new trash can since I really would prefer to have a lid....

Are there any Buffistas babies in the 18-24lb range (or who need a size lg, if that is meaningful) who could use a fleece sleeper?

-t, do you mean something like this? [link] If so, then I would happily take that off your hands.

well, it rained, but too early to cancel the soccer game. crap. I do not want to dress and leave the house. stupid stupid stupid life stuff. Well at least I slept until noon and I have made coffee.