I just watched the West Wing Butterball hotline clip. It was pretty funny.

Question for any Jewish Buffistas: Hanukkah falls over Xmas. D and I are atheist and agnostic, respectively; M is being raised Jewish. He's down with the menorah made from Legos, but I've been researching Hanukkah and M wants us to sing the songs and prayers with him.

Neither of us have a problem with this at all and would be doing it from love.

Q1: Is this sacrilegious? And is it ok to put the menorah on the mantel, because putting it by our out-facing windows means a cat or dog will no doubt light itself on fire.

Q2: What are we supposed to say/sing, and does anyone have a link to them in phonetic English and a link that I can hear? (M remembers "most of the words" but hey, he's nine. I need a print out!)

I am a Virgo; if I am gonna do this, I want to try to get it right. And I'm good with Romance language accents; Hebrew is a mystery to my vocal cords.

Thanks!!!

I've researched but there seems to be a ton of stuff and I don't know WHAT is proper, but short and sweet. And a little, inexpensive gift each night is ok, right? I mean, he gets Hanukkah AND Xmas presents from about 8 million relatives, step and bio.

Did you not notice? Did your soul not cry out in privation and pain?

That's what I should be having today! I have a cheekily insouciant strawberry, raspberry and cranberry jam at home. I should be having a jam sandwich today.

I misread the bus schedule, so I'm stuck waiting here outside in a bus terminal in Toms River for an hour.

Whose house was this? I need to know in case they ever invite me, so I can turn them down. It's ALL about the cranberry sauce. You can't forget it. That's unpalatable.

Did you not notice? Did your soul not cry out in privation and pain?

Heh. I didn't notice, although I do enjoy the cranberry. There was a lot of other stuff to distract!

We forgot to put the cranberry sauce out too. We forget it all the time, and I love it.

We are having a mild emergency here. The oven isn't working properly and the turkey isn't cooking properly. Oops. Good thing there's wine and provisions.

I am newly come to this Thanksgiving foofurrah, but I understand a few basic things: don't drop turkeys from planes; ritual sacrifice with pie; and SYMBOLIC BLOOD VIA CRANBERRIES.

There's other stuff, but I can't always keep track.

The basic problem in our house seems to be that everything is coming out of the oven, but the cranberry sauce is in the fridge.

and SYMBOLIC BLOOD VIA CRANBERRIES.

Well dang, I clearly am not properly trained into seeing blood symbolism! I have always thought of cranberries as New World!food with a side of jam at dinner? That jam issue always got in the way of my enjoyment of the cranberry. I am sure I will enjoy the cranberry sauce much more now that it's blood.

I am sure I will enjoy the cranberry sauce much more now that it's blood.

I exist to bring blood into people's lives.

I have been spending the day finding apps for absolutely everything, on both iOS and Android. Sephora has an iOS app! Which I can't work out how to integrate my Beauty Insider card into, so I can't use it fully. But in the meanwhile, I sure am enjoying the OPI app, where you can set your skin tone and then flip through nail polish colours to mimic them on your hands. It's tons of mindless fun.

And exactly the sort of non-thought I need today.

However, my mother has not called, and I can't actually distract myself from that. Fuck, I give in. I am going to be the nag.