I'm fair certain she never looks at the damn thing anyway.

Our CIO reads ours with a fine tooth comb and comes back with questions just about every week. This week, with consultants in from the content management company, she wants *daily* status reports. Motherfucker. And she's reading them. And my boss is reading them. And my manager is reading them.

I'm glad my boss thinks I did a good consultant wrangling job. I had a great time. I vibed really well with both consultants. We could be really casual around each other, and formed a team very quickly, and were able to focus on shared goals with only one unshared conclusion over the three days, which is pretty remarkable in my experience with technical folks with different backgrounds. One consultant, the senior one, was loud and brash, and matched me note for note, and the other one was kind of bashful, but laughed along with everything. He was very sweet. He seemed a bit startled to be having such a good time. But, jesus, my co-workers are hysterical. And MEAN.

Okay, let me fire up the work laptop. And also call in and change my work outgoing voicemail message, fuck.

And I want to travelmarry the both of you. We would be very happy together with our one plus one mentality, plus we're very hot.

It would be efficient! And we could all be each other's alibi if we're on a flight with Alec Baldwin and he refuses to shut his phone and one of us (me!) is forced to kick him in the nads. Because ita has led me to believe it is a very satisfying (for me) and painful (for them) kick.

That reminds me, ita_! did you see this Octopus Pie? It made me think of you.

Ha! It is fun, whether the recipient is male or female.

The consultant told me that I was gangsta today, and the developer said "Yes, she's always threatening me." I felt a hair's breadth away from being called up to HR. Lordie. Things I didn't know.

I have just sent half a million detailed work emails. I hope that's enough. If anyone calls my cellphone, seriously, they need to get fucked up. And just because I will be getting my work email...doesn't mean shit.

I'm afraid I don't get this. It's a sex toy, apparently. But it couldn't look less like one. And most sex toys for boys are pretty simple, right?

Okay, I watched the video again, and I guess I get it. But I still think they're..I mean, they don't fall off, or anything?

I'm afraid I don't get this. It's a sex toy, apparently. But it couldn't look less like one.

I think that's the point.

It can be slipped into the pocket of your pants or in your briefcase without looking too revealing too. Thus they can be brought with you everywhere! We even received videos (which we can upload here) or men masturbating with a Tenga Egg while on a public bus ride (what a dare devil), and another man while driving (talk about safe sex!).

Okay, but a guy yanking the crank looks like a guy getting off, even if the egg is a strange new thing. That's the universal language of onanism, seriously. But, finally, something more subtle than a fleshlight, although I hear Rosie and her four sisters are pretty good at what they do. And can be taken anywhere with you!

Jesse, I can't get into tumblr right now. Can you submit this?

<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/33507366?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="400" height="225" frameborder="0" webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/33507366">Meme Proposal | Tim * Audrey</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/crazymonkey">Crazy Monkey Studio</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>

Okay, I hope I encoded that right.

What are the ethics or legality behind giving an employee performance evaluation in a public space?

As in, my ED gave me mine at a restaraunt while my eyes bugged the fuck out of my head. And I was lucky that she then gave me a book as a Christmas gift, or else I wouldn't have had any place to put the evaluation for the duration of the meal.

I ask because I'm seriously considering reporting this to the board, and we're getting a decision on her continued employment on the third, and are encouraged to report anything in the meantime. While I'm determined to get her ass fired fired fired, and thought this was absolutely unprofessional, I want to be sure it's a valid complaint. Especially since it's been made clear that our asses are fired if any of this gets out into the community.

Julibird, I think it is doubtful that you'd find anything illegal there. But if there is anything written in company policy or in an employee handbook about the reviews being confidential or such the like that would seem to be your route to a valid complaint.

All sorts of ~ma, Bonny. You are in my thoughts.