can you just ignore when she's "taking over" work that you know she'll never do, and then just make everyone know when you've done whatever it is?

Not really, because some of it is work that is justifiably not mine to do: she is a real property specialist and she writes deeds and leases and stuff. I can't do that, it's not what I'm trained for. So I can't keep everything from her, and when I try, she often finds out and tries to grab it. In fact, she does stuff that is appropriately mine (having to do with the program I manage) and doesn't tell me--I am reduced to going through the outgoing mail files to discover what she's been up to, because she Will Not Tell Me what she's doing.

There was an email exchange about something I had accomplished this week, and she tried to grab the handling of that as well. It was quite remarkable.

The other day I sent her as politely-worded an email as I could, asking for the status of thirteen projects she was supposed to be doing for me.

Is it possible for you to (in future, at least) designate someone else to do the stuff you need? Maybe work it out with that person in advance so that when Nemesis tries to grab tasks, you can say, "No need, it's already arranged, they've budgeted their time for it, kthxbye."

You might need to get that blessed by the managers in advance as well, but it sounds like you want to minimize your own dealings with her, without presenting it as "I cannot work with this person." So you sell it as "So-and-so wanted to learn more about [thing I need soon] and it would obviously be an asset to us if she got that experience, I just wanted to clear that with you before it was official" or whatever.

the walnuts tasting like bitter despair business is cracking my shit up.

I have very sensitive tastebuds, but neither walnuts nor cilantro set me off. I cannot abide by anything pickled. at all. ever.

I love cilantro, but I'm a super-taster with most bitter tastes. Broccoli tastes like evil, I don't like dark chocolate, and I can only tolerate coffee if it's got a whole ton of milk mixed in. I have very particular tastes in beer that don't seem to conform to anything -- I know that I like Killian's Irish Red, and Yuengling is OK, and I hate the taste of every IPA I've ever tried. When I'm at a microbrewery, I usually get whichever one is mixed with some kind of fruit, since I usually like those.

My sister used to think cilantro tasted like soap, but then, a few weeks ago, she sent me an email that was something like, "Guess what! Cilantro doesn't taste like soap anymore! It tastes really good! I like it!"

I'd be careful, Consuela. Being right isn't going to help you much in a situation like this.

I'd try to figure out a way to post some kind of public calendar charting workflow for yourself, so people can see what you're doing and also make clear when it disappears into her orbit.

You won't benefit or win in a direct confrontation with her, or even trying to bring the situation to light.

I'd just try to have something public that shows what's going on without any sort of comment. It would have to be something that could justify having out there, and it can't be pointed at all. But that would provide some butt coverage.

Cilantro tastes like a sharp, almost-spicy version of parsley. I'll take Sophia's share in exchange for my share of tomato chunks, dill pickles, mushrooms, okra, cooked broccoli, cooked cauliflower....

My tastebuds are most sensitive (in a bad way) to tomato chunks. They're incredibly bitter. Yet, oddly enough, I'm fine with ketchup and most tomato-based spaghetti sauces.

I gotta remember not to put bitter despair in your brownies.

Normally I'm all your bitter are belong to me, but it's disappointing when they ruin perfectly good chocolate with something that tastes so terrible I will spit it out and claw at my tongue.

I have very sensitive tastebuds, but neither walnuts nor cilantro set me off.

Well, this article, at least, holds that sensitive tastebuds are the key to likeing it: [link]

I'd try to figure out a way to post some kind of public calendar charting workflow for yourself, so people can see what you're doing and also make clear when it disappears into her orbit.

This is a great suggestion. Frame it as "hey, we've got a really complicated workflow at this company and wouldn't it be great if we could track projects through to their completion?" Something like Sharepoint or Job Tracker might be able to help you if your company has those implemented already.

The lying to clients thing is what strikes me as the most egregious - surely if a client complained about this, the higher-ups would have to take notice, right?

I have very particular tastes in beer that don't seem to conform to anything -- I know that I like Killian's Irish Red, and Yuengling is OK, and I hate the taste of every IPA I've ever tried.

Well, if you have an issue with bitter tastes, than IPAs and many straight up pale ales will not work for you due to the hops presence. Red ales tend to be maltier, and I believe Yuengling is a lager, so it's going to have a much more mellow hoppiness, if any at all. Your beer tastes actually seem to be consistent with your aversion to bitter flavors.