::opens stupid cover letter.doc::

FROM THE DESK OF THE FABULOUS JZ

Dear People Who Should Hire Me:

I'm writing to apply for your open position, which currently lacks a certain JZ-ness, if I may say so myself. I am fabulous and would be a fabulous addition to your fabulous organization. All my projects are the purest sparkly fabulousness, and all that I touch turns to rainbow sparkles of joy. The following invisible internet peoples will vouch for these fact: [link]

Signed,
JZ

I called and made an appointment to pick out a grave marker. That was actually easy once I got over myself and made the call. Stupid phone, intimidating me out of checking stuff off my To Do List.

Now to call my insurance agent.

But "hard return" is the term for hitting that key at the end of a line where you want a break to appear. Do people call it "hard enter"?

(a) That's what she said.

(b) I don't think I've ever thought to call it anything at all, other than hitting enter.

Hmm, maybe make a copy of the document where you've taken out all the returns, and send it back to her with the request that she separate it into paragraphs by adding an extra line in between each paragraph.

beads over a glass ornament

this. it's lovely.

Go team Onerous Task!

I am returned from the Department of Parking and Traffic where I have scheduled a hearing to protest our car's towing.

I am emboldened to do another crappy task now.

Liese! Are you doing the Onerous? Ginger?

Wahh! Want in baby T. Or, you know, chick cut.

I go to lunch and ended up with a mini-meara upon my return…

I just won this kit at ebay—

That is cool, Kathy. Different from the ones I used to make, but they look like a good project when you are up to handling a needle. Now I come up with my own designs.

JZ – apply. Apply NOW. As difficult as change can be, removing yourself from a known toxic environment will make your life SO much better. As will the more money, but mental stability is key.

Do people call it "hard enter"?

Really? No one has commented on this yet

Chikat, I am with you, down in the gutter.

Teppy – that reminds me of when my mom first started working in Word. She was on my computer at home while I was at work. She said she had typed out a 3 page document but couldn’t find pages 1 or 2. I had to explain “scroll up”, which is harder than you would think. That didn’t do the trick. I was really stumped until I tried to think about typing things out manually. I had her click on Windows and tell me how many documents were listed. She had three documents open. When she reached the bottom of each page, she had hit “new” to get a new page. Pure logic in her mind. Absolute hilarity in mine.

this. it's lovely.

Again, thanks Sox. I’m pretty sure my secret santa giftee will receive something similar this year.

That's a lot better than the version in my head, amych:

Dear People Who Should Hire Me:

Hi, I'm JZ! I will enliven your office by occasionally wearing crinolines, I never misspell anything, I am flexible on the issue of the serial comma, I love semicolons and treat them properly, I understand our institutional bureaucrazy (no, that is not a misspelling; that's deliberate) and where all the secret passages, trapdoors and helpful crawl spaces are located, and, if hired, I fully plan to use the boost in salary to fund an exciting new project called Homemade Zucchini Bread For The Entire Office Once A Week.

In return, all I ask is that you not be my old office. See how easy that is?

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Most earnestly,

JZ

Homemade Zucchini Bread For The Entire Office Once A Week

That should close the deal, right there.