I need help. I have no earthly idea what to get my mother for Christmas. There's nothing I know of that she wants, except a platter exactly like mine which I have not been able to find anywhere.

She likes vintage pins, but usually my dad gets her one every year. She is a perfume QUEEN, but I don't know what kind of scents she likes.

I am feeling like a horrible daughter.

In lamer Christmas news, I'm getting my dad socks and a flannel shirt.

I'm starting to feel it's like Elaine and The Sponge.

I am totally identifying with her. But other tampons are just too long and they hurt!!!

Aims, what about: a massage or manicure gift certificate, a selection of gourmet coffee or tea, good leather gloves and a pretty scarf?

Oooh ... the gloves and scarf could work. She won't let anyone give her a massage - claims she's too fat. I roll my eyes at her.

I think Amy has a good idea.

Right now, I've gotten my mother wooden spoons from a local craftscouple, fun dishtowels from the same and...nothing else. I'm gonna give her another goat this year, I think.

...I guess I really need to call my mechanic tomorrow. If I could drop the car off early this week and get it home, it shouldn't fuck up the week too much. Unless it doesn't want to start tomorrow, I just need to take care of the lights. It needs a tuneup, but that can wait, I hope. Damnit. This week is stupid busy, and a birthday just got added friday night, when I need to be working dough. And I'd hoped to go shopping at least a couple nights this week. Which needs a car.

The Great OB Crisis of 2010.

Lauren Bush is engaged to Ralph Lauren's son, David Lauren. After their wedding, her name will be Lauren Lauren.

I wonder if she's a fan of Catch-22.

(...and Major Major Major Major)

My dad is so incredibly hard to shop for, I've started doing joint gifts at Christmas -- this year I'm giving Mom and Dad a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant in town, a bottle of wine, and another small gift certificate to Carlino's, the awesome Italian grocery/bakery (dessert!).

Then I go nuts on Mom's birthday, because I can always think of things she'd like.

My mother specifically asked me for gloves one year, and I'm pretty sure I just saw them still with the tags on, in her giant container of gloves, etc. @@

I am totally identifying with her. But other tampons are just too long and they hurt!!!

Mostly, I've never used anything else and have no desire to add an applicator to the whole process. That seems like a step backward for so many reasons.

I know exactly when I'm gonna start worrying about it. Will be combing Birmingham while I do my xmas shopping. God, don't fuck with that sort of thing.