Just finally got a return call from Ms. Louise. Not good. Her fall before xmas fractured part of her lumbar spine. She's mobile, just not supposed to be, and her fucking mooching relatives... Nakia (her great-granddaughter)'s 11 month old is gone. They knew she wouldn't live long (congenital encephal-something) but everyone is pretty broken up.

I really wish I could get her into a Weinberg senior apt.

Oh jeez.

I'm so sorry Jessica.

A little ray of light: one of the new neighbors I met recalled I was a nightowl and needed to vent as she finished her commute home, so called and we had a nice chat. I like her a lot. Too. Too many to count.

I'm so sorry, Jessica.

I've seen at least two different commercials during the Olympics featuring little girls playing hockey.

That's cool (no pun intended!).

I found out tonight that I think I'm turning into my mother. Mom is notorious for being able to run into someone she knows/is related to almost every place she would go in her hometown here in Illinois.

Tonight, at my library class, we had a panel of librarians in various fields to talk to us. After everyone got their namecards placed in front of them, I stared at the one for the public librarian and his face for a while. During his introduction, he mentioned he'd been working at the local library "for at least 12 years, let's just say that," and I knew then that I'd worked with him at that library 20 years ago, when we were both part-timers at the AV and interlibrary loan desks. When he paused after his introduction, I rose my hand and asked him if he'd been there for 20 years, and he looked at me in return and said, "I thought I recognized you!"

Kathy, it's ok, I am becoming my dad.

Long day. Sat in plane in Boston while airport shut down from snow. Was supposed to leave Boston at 1:30 and we finally took off at 5:50. Got into Dulles, Supershuttled to National Harbor and literally got into the hotel room with one minute to spare before they shut down room service (10 p.m.).

And yet, none of it matters - and I didn't complain once or even roll my eyes or so much as give a deep sigh. Not a bit. Between reading the Esquire article on Roger Ebert that had been linked to in the movie thread and sorrow for Jess's loss, just so sad and upset and hurting for everyone else. But I fucking hate posts like this where suddenly it's all a perspective lesson for me me me and I don't mean it as such. It's just, you know. Absorbed sorrow.

I had a long massage today. I was a bit hesitant, because I'm friends with the masseuse, and professional exchange between friends weirds me out. I'm never sure how much to be friend and how much to be customer. I totally overtipped her. But it was good. An hour spent on my upper body, and she managed to avoid setting off my trigger points, of which they were sure plenty.

I used to pay her for weekly massages, so we had a rhythm. But that was over a year ago. Reconnection is good. Maybe I could even do dinner with her one time. She's right in my neck of the woods.

Lot of time lying there....thinking about my day. Thinking positive thoughts for Jessica and her family, thinking about what my life was lie the first time when I was having this done regularly, And then loneliness. Not mine, really. Just thinking about all that genre work being done where people have to leave their homes to shoot--to mve temporarily to Bulgaria or Vancouver or Toronto and try and make a structure that will do through the long days and short weekend and isolation. Ans you pray you get a good bunch of people because these 16 hours a day run you ragged and you need all the friends you can get,

Colin starts a 22 episode run soon. 16 hour days, a free weekend if you're lucky, but he's the lead so he's all over everything. You have so many people to trust and so many people that can fuck you up. And when you have free time, it's hanging with your cast and crew and if you're lucky the other people in your network clique. And in all that you need to find as many solid friends as possible to ride the thing out with.