According to Modern Manners Guy, sending a message by your tip doesn't work, so you should tip whatever you tip and then if there's something bad (or good) you should speak to the server and/or manager.

Teppy, I think she was lucky to get 15%.

Steph, I had a similar experience at breakfast a couple weeks ago at a hotel restaurant. I arrived after the others had ordered, and it took forever—FOREVER—for someone to notice that I was new and needed to order food (I started waving my menu in the air at one point), it took forever for the waitress to bring me my omelette—without the salsa I had requested—and then she never brought my salsa. I think I left a 10% tip.

According to Modern Manners Guy, sending a message by your tip doesn't work, so you should tip whatever you tip and then if there's something bad (or good) you should speak to the server and/or manager.

But that requires talking and being assertive! I always feel like a dick if I complain about service.

The last time that happened to me, Tep, I just up and left the restaurant. (Easier when it's just 2 people than 11, of course, but it was absurd - the waitress left us alone for half an hour and then came back and said "Oh.....the kitchen forgot to make your food. I'll go put your order in again now." We told her not to bother, and we left.)

sending a message by your tip doesn't work, so you should tip whatever you tip

There comes a point where I just don't want them to have my money. I can't distance myself from the idea of the tip as performance-related earnings. I've tipped a penny before, and I'll do it again if I get that bad service.

I generally tip 20%. I will tip less (down to 15%) for various issues (inattentiveness, wrong orders, etc.) If I feel that it was so bad as not to tip 15%, then I talk to the manager.

It's hard for me, because a lot of servers think that black people don't tip, so might give shitty service because they think they're not going to get a good tip, then I don't tip well because the service was shitty, thereby reaffirming their original belief, etc. etc. Which I why I talk to the manager if there's a problem.

Wait a sec, so when I tip 20%, only 2% goes to the waitress (assuming it's a tip-pooling establishment)? And more goes to the busser? That's insane! It's the waitstaff that has to put up with the customer b.s.

I think the rationale is that your waitress also gets 2% of the sales at the tables she doesn't work, as well.

I'm not sure it makes sense. One incompetent drags down everybody's income.

I've only ever talked to the manager for really good service. I guess I figure let the crap worker have a chance to work it out on their own before they get into official trouble. Or I'm just shying away from that convo.

If she was the only waitress, she was probably also having to do side work (which can take hours and for which you still make 2.15 without tip, so it's worth it to fit it in whenever you can), she may have been discussing the dough situation, any number of things that took 25 minutes.

Once when I was helping out Mr. Jane at the bar there was only one table sitting outside. After an hour or so inside the bar was packed, but outside only had two or three tables. One table left me 50 cents because they didn't understand why their drink orders took so long when there were so few tables. Which, sure, if the bartender is only making drinks for the tables outside, is reasonable. I could have said, "Sorry it took so long. Inside is packed," but I didn't.

We had horrific breakfast service at(what I was told was) a well-known cafe in Minneapolis. It was bad from the instant we walked in. We had a largish party - 8 - to start and then 2 more came a bit later. We weren't given menus nor drink orders taken until after we'd been there for 20+ minutes. There were lots of servers and it was a Monday morning after 10. It took another 20 minutes for juice, coffee, and water. Another 20 for our late comers to get menus. We had been there for close to an hour before our orders were taken. The food took 40 minutes. My cousin Joe, who has been a server for 15+ years was the one that finally looked at the rest of us and said, "Yeah. You guys? This is bullshit." and went to find the manager. Who promptly assigned like, 15 servers to our table. This was my parents and my aunt and uncle - not what could potentially be a-hole 20-somethings on vacation. It sucked a lot until Cousin J said something. We probably should have left, but we just wanted to eat and leave and drive back to Michigan.