Jesse -- try a department store discounter like Ross, TJs, Filenes. Housewares there are effing insane, but I would guess you'd need to find a spacious store in the suburbs.

I kind of looked at Marshall's and Filene's Basement the other day, but didn't have this exact thing in my head yet. But I don't think they had what I was looking for, even still. I think msbelle's Solution solution is the winner. It's exactly the right size, shape, and style!

Oops, wrong thread.

Who/what's Wade?

Huh. Camouflage cheongsam.

That needs to be in satin.

I'm disappointed that google.co.uk doesn't have anything Guy Fawksey up. Gunpowder, treason, and plot!

A common breakdown of tip-out percentages:
Food runners: ~2% of food sales
Bartenders: ~10% of drink sales (including N/A drinks)
Bussers: ~2-3% of total sales
Maitre'd/host: ~1% of total sales

If two or more waiters are working the table, they split it however they feel appropriate. That was a hell of a tip-out night, for sure.

Camouflage cheongsam.

It should be more shiny. Of course that would make it less camouflaged. Unless you live in a land of shiny things.

eta: or what ita said:

That needs to be in satin.

Unless you live in a land of shiny things.

Like, 1960s Hong Kong.

Food runners: ~2% of food sales

Wait a sec, so when I tip 20%, only 2% goes to the waitress (assuming it's a tip-pooling establishment)? And more goes to the busser? That's insane! It's the waitstaff that has to put up with the customer b.s.

A "food runner" isn't the server who takes your order, etc., right? It's the random lackey who helps bring it out sometimes.