After eighteen months of out-of-syncness, I'm now finally feeling as if everything's falling into place. The fact that the book contract and house contract all fell into place in the same week I'm sure has a lot to do with it.

Now if I could just physically start feeling a LOT better, it would all be great. (Which I think will happen, now that mentally, I'm in a better place. Before, I was just sort of plodding along.)

I'm on an upswing, I think. I have to keep reminding myself to try not slide down, but that's working, which it doesn't always.

A co-worker and I were just talking to each other about it, both feel out-of-sync. I know mac does and then another friend mentioned it also. Wondering if it is just the seasonal shift hitting us all hard this year or if just coincidence that were all a bit off with friends and associates/life.

Dear doG, me too.

I even had a terribly disconnecting incident with my 'surrogate mom' last week that is vexing my heart in ways I can't quite let go of. We've been friends for 24 years. At that time, she and her husband held an 'adoption' ceremony and I later went on to live with them for 7.5 years.

She's been there with me, and for me in the midst of amazingly trying/interesting times. I've never thought of her as anything but my mom. So much more than any blood relative.

Last Monday, right after my friend's funeral (which was perfectly beautiful and painful), we chatted about a minor medical procedure she will be having soon. I fussed at her a little bit for not calling me to help. I live 15 miles away. The daughter who will be coming lives in CA.

I stayed with her two weeks ago for a similar procedure but she said that she just asked 'family' for help, not me.

I guess it was this disconnected thing, and the sad timing, but sheesh, that felt bad. I know my feelings are my responsiblity and we aren't really family...but after nearly a quarter of a century, I guess I just took it for granted.

Urg. Sorry for the self-pity. It's just been eating at me. t /whining.

On the plus side... despite us having the rainiest October in like three decades, I've managed to ride my bike to work a few times a week. I've actually lost some weight, as I've been able to tighten my belt more than before. Plus I have more physical energy and feel less stressed on days I ride my bike.

This morning it was 35, but I rode my bike anyway and didn't get too cold....

Having a job has helped reconnect me to reality, so that's been good.

There's an all-hands meeting in 20 minutes and an all-IT meeting at 1. I hope that this isn't as big a deal all these meetings may presage.

it's not completely a sadness thing. I feel unable to like talk to people, it doesn't feel normal - it's like all the social connectors are not clicking. I know it is partially that I can't seem to figure out how to do a middle ground comfortably - crisis or nothing seem the only comfortable speeds (and crisis is not comfortable, it just takes away options). Super procrastinatty which only makes things worse. I am forcing myself to do one thing at a time at work. I am pushing down all the racing thought regarding a move and what ifs, because they are not useful or helpful. just everything feels like so much effort.

In making-something-good-out-of-something-bad news, a jilted bride turns her reception into a party for a seniors home.

That's awesome, tommy. I love the idea of biking to work so much - it seems so productive and responsible and healthy and fun, more so than just riding a bike to nowhere in particular or going anywhere else.

I spent a lot of this weekend playing sick and then I was more physically actively yesterday . Despite the fact that I can't breathe I finally feel more energetic that I have in two weeks. Just low level stress/rut/disconnect feeling. But, I am beginning to think it happens every fall when allergies get worse.

oh -- Kathy A - good on you for the decisions. I know a couple of people that have done it and it made a big ( positive) difference in their lives.