What's funny is that I am not related to any ungrateful gift-recipients or weirdly passive-aggressive givers or getters, and I still stress out!

Although, there have been times when I've just hit it right on the head and thrilled the recipient, and that is great.

ugh. Dad called and said a man was hit by a car this morning outside one of our striking aircraft plants in town and killed. He was a single parent of elementary school age kids due to his wife dying a couple years ago from cancer. The only saving grace is that the kids have family here in town. I'm suddenly filled with a need to do something homey for my family.

I'm dealing with this right now, since my birthday is next week.

ME TOO!

I am a big believer in wedding and baby registries. Especially for babies. Because there really is a ton of stuff most people having babies NEED and it's especially helpful for people who don't have kids or haven't had any recently.

My mother pretends to listen, then she gets me either some approximation of what I want, or something she feels like getting me.

Speaking of which, UPS just delivered her gift, which I was supposed to hold off opening until next week. But I was curious. She'd asked me if I wanted some jewelry (Macy's was having a sale). I said I'd love to have some smoky topaz earrings or barring that, maybe earrings or a pendant with peridot (my birthstone).

Emerald cut peridot ring. Never mind I've spent years telling her I don't much care for emerald cut-- it's HER favorite cut, so why shouldn't I like it? And never mind I rarely even wear my wedding rings anymore because they get in the way when I'm typing.

::sigh:: It's a beautiful ring and I know she had good intentions and I'll wear it and enjoy it, but seriously-- why bother asking?

Because there really is a ton of stuff most people having babies NEED and it's especially helpful for people who don't have kids or haven't had any recently.

Speaking from experience, baby registries are less helpful than they seem. Because most people only register for the first baby, and as such have no idea what they really need.

I like lists, and my family demands them of one another because each of us has such deeply geeky enthusiasms about such very different things that we're, paradoxically, very hard to buy for. My mom? Loves first editions, loves Mary McCarthy, will run over your dog to get at a signed first of anything of Mary McCarthy's--except that she has all but maybe one or two obscure later works, so if you don't have a list you stand an excellent chance of putting a lot of time and effort into getting her something she already has twice over. Me? I love all things Buffy, but I already have most things Buffy, so everyone is very wary about getting me anything else without knowing for certain that I don't have it but do want it.

This. This is EXACTLY why my family uses lists. I would never DARE to buy my brother a kitchen item that he didn't ask for, because he's a freaking CHEF and my idea of "good kitchenware" is whatever Target had for under $15. So I can't just breeze into Williams-Sonoma and buy him a saute pan. Plus, even if I knew from good cookware, if I tried to buy without a list, I'd likely buy him something he already has. And while the thought counts, it's more fun to get something that you want, rather than something you already have.

Ask them to buy Hec some music, and they will break out in a cold sweat of gift-failure anxiety (except my mom, who strives valiantly and is always, unerringly, completely wrong).

And I could never buy my brother music without a list, because I can't keep up with what he's currently into and, out of that, what he already owns.

Oh, and to actually answer Tep's question. I dislike the lists because it makes me feel like a personal shopper.

I don't know if it's true that it's the thought that counts, but with list giving it feels like it's the thing that counts.

Interesting. I find that list giving helps me to actually give a gift that the person (1) wants, (b) needs, (3) doesn't already have, and (4) is happy to receive.

I truly can't think of a single gift I've gotten as a result of being asked what I wanted where I thought, "Well, another token obligatory gift. Thanks, Mom." Mostly I've thought, "Eddie Izzard DVDs HELL YEAH!"

Honestly, I'm a little insulted by some of the attitudes towards the use of lists when buying gifts -- and I'm really am trying VERY hard to not be insulted, because I'm sure that's not the intent.

My mother pretends to listen, then she gets me either some approximation of what I want, or something she feels like getting me.

We may have the same mother. Hmmm.

BTW, Steph, I just took a peek at your Amazon wishlist, I think it could use a little sprucing up.

I think my sister asked me for a list for this Christmas, now that I think about it. I'm sure she won't give me whatever she bought for me in Mexico until December or January. She asked what I wanted, and then countered with "Well, what about earrings?" when I told her what I wanted. Truth is, earrings are great! I just forgot. I have a standard "bring me back from foreign" list, and I forgot it's probably too pricey for her. And bulky.

But when my family travels anywhere even slightly different it's mandatory to bring back gifts, and I ask for a knife from just about everywhere.

Last time my mother asked what I wanted for Christmas I told her black and silver jewelry and she went out and hit up the mall and came back with just that, and lovely to boot. I have to give her credit for consistently buying me stuff she wouldn't wear (she's sad I don't have her taste) but that I love.

Okay--did I take my meds this morning? Can someone please tell me? I'm operating on one hour of sleep, so things are a little blurred.

BTW, Steph, I just took a peek at your Amazon wishlist, I think it could use a little sprucing up.

Heh. I update it around Christmas when prodded by family. At which point my mom tells me to NOT look at it again so that I don't know if "Santa" (and she insists on saying Santa, not her) got me anything.

(Believe it or not, I actually *don't* look at it again. I don't know where that fortitude comes from.)