The 7 Crappiest "Super Heroes" in Comic Book History

Ulysses Solomon Archer (U.S.A. get it? Get it?) fights evil in the highways of America in his pimped out truck to avenge the death of his brother, Jefferson Hercules Archer. At this point we can only theorize that their father had the impossibly awesome name of Washington Samson Archer McPornstar.

...

You know how Batman doesn't actually fight crime with trained bats? And how Spider-Man actually stays away from actual spiders? Well the Red Bee said fuck that shit, and fights crime with bees... for real.

Not only that, but he keeps his favorite Bee and best friend, Michael, in a special compartment in his belt for special occasions. So think of Red Bee as an Aquaman, but limited to one insect, making him the scourge of people allergic to bees and villains who have never heard of insecticide.

...

Do please sit down, because this one is a doozy. Little Richard Grey was born in Mongolia during a scientific expedition his parents were members of. The expedition was attacked by bandits and everyone died except for baby Richard, who was later found and raised by condors. If huge carrion eating birds don't know how to raise a baby, then who does?

Not bad for a bird that doesn't even live in Mongolia, or anywhere near Asia for that matter.

By the way, did we mention that the condors taught him how to fly? Yes, apparently being raised by birds means you can slap aerodynamics in the face. If you were a comic book writer back in those days working for peanuts, you wouldn't give a rat's ass what you put on the page either.

Heh. In honor of Condor-Man and other such heroes, for a role-playing game once, I came up with a superhero called Penelope of the Penguins. Guess who she was raised by?

Guess who she was raised by?

Puffins?

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

I mean, if I shaved an inch back, I'd be in sixhead territory.

WORD. I'm already in fivehead territory -- hence the bangs.

Hee!

There was a whole backstory about how her tribe was kidnapped by the Anti-Claus to work in his sweatshop at the South Pole. Good times, good times.

Heh. In honor of Condor-Man and other such heroes, for a role-playing game once, I came up with a superhero called Penelope of the Penguins. Guess who she was raised by?

These two?

[link] [link]

What about Matter Eater Lad! He's from Bismol!

t Bangs head against keyboard

I compile somebody else's file, one which I know works fine (um, on his computer, not mine, but he gave me the password, so let's ignore that problem right now).

His file? Compiles (at some point, two weeks ago, it stopped, and I was sure I poisoned his computer as well. I don't know how come it stopped, or how come it got back to working again, but let's ignore that problem right now).

I do a careful copy-and-paste, changing nothing, only putting my content instead of his (that content which is still not properly finished, due to all the computer mess, but let's ignore that problem right now).

I try to compile my identical-to-his other-than-things-that-are-not-supposed-to-matter.

My file doesn't compile.

And *that* is the one problem I really can't afford to ignore right now. Sigh.

I'll totally bang my head against the keyboard if that'll help. I'll even try to do it to in timing to fit a song of its choice, if that'll please the computer demons.

OK, I'm going to take the very advice I give my students when they're stuck, erase *everything* and start from scratch. Wish me luck. Or an easy song to keep up with in my banging.

Nilly, if you email me the error message you get when you try to compile, I might be able to help you figure out what's wrong.

The only thing is that I might not be available for a couple of hours, and I know it's after midnight where you are...

Thanks, Tom.

I'll tell you what: I'll go down the from-scratch road (that's what made it decide it's willing to compile again after it didn't like it for a while, so I have some hope), which will probably take the good part of a couple of hours anyway, and if that doesn't work, you'll already be back anyway, and I'll be able to ask you for help then. Will that work?

As for the time, well, I don't see much sleep in my future before shabbat, anyway, so I don't think *that* will be the worse of my worries.

Also? Just knowing that across the ocean there's good people willing to go out of their way to try and help me? That's really helps, in and of itself. Thank you.