Tom Waits had a great line (I think it was between song patter and not a song per se) about going away for 3 weeks, coming home and finding out everything in your refrigerator has turned into a science experiment. Living single often means you don't need to go away for 3 weeks for this to happen.

But then they're not junk. They're just... food.

Exactly! I'm sure that the gourmet cheese puff is magically delicious, but for true junk food , you need the orange-y, additive and perservative laden, cheesefood product goodness that only the over-processed, straight out the greasy plastic bag (suck on it, ozone layer!) cheese puff can provide. Accept no substitutes.

You should see the strawberries that I never got around to eating. The world was not made for single people eating.

I may have some vegetables liquifying in my fridge at this very moment.

Or forgetful people eating.

O! Buffistas. Wither thou posteth, I will post; and where thou bloggest, I will blog. Where thy food rottest, mine will rot. Thy people shall be my people, and thy junk my junk.

Single forgetful people probably shouldn't eat. It's all very Darwinian.

Married people's stuff rots, too. Really. I think it's just because life is too fast now.

Single forgetful people probably shouldn't eat. It's all very Darwinian.

Though not with rice left in the steamer for a really looooong scary time. It was about to introduce itself it had evolved so far. Or try to take over the world. I wasn't sure so I threw it down the disposal and sent bleach after it.

I wasn't sure so I threw it down the disposal and sent bleach after it.

Oh great. Now it will just breed in the sewers with the alligators.

But albino, because of the bleach. So they'll make interesting pictures when the Weekly World News finds out?

I have a different opinion of the finest cheez snack known to man: [link]

Alas, like Doo Dads, they are no longer made. I suspect the Keebler elves put a curse on Nabisco execs to make them stop production on their tastiest snacks.

Okay. The next F2F that we're actually able to make it to, we bring a few bags of Barbara's Cheese Bakes and prove it to all you doubters.

They've wrecked me for all other cheesy puff things; the only ones I can even tolerate anymore are the new Cheetos puffy puffs with organic corn and white cheddar, which are clearly a total imitation of Barbara's. Admittedly, though, a successful imitation. They just taste so much... tastier than other cheese puffs, it's crazy.

But then they're not junk. They're just... food.

I maintain that no matter how fancy and organic its base ingredients may be, any food that contains both little to no nutritional value and enough tastiness to cause you to lose control and eat an entire big bag in one sitting, then sit around licking your fingertips and chasing the salty crumbs around the bottom of the bag, is more than worthy of the noble designation of Junk Food.

And, Cindy, I don't think Barbara's has any MSG.

::pointedly ignoring whitefont talk, as still traumatized by Hec's tale of the deliquescing watermelon excavated from the back of our fridge earlier this week::

Junk food has to be bad for you. Not just not good, but bad.