Allyson, you're so cool.

Awesome. I wouldn't use "draconian" --if anyone doesn't know what it means, it'll just make them crankier.

or simply are sick of our loud, obnoxious, and otherwise lame behavior.

You're taking responsibility, but you didn't intend to bother anyone.

Since some of your neighbors may not get the snark, I might keep it simple and modify the middle a bit--something like:

We received a notice today saying that we that we are no longer allowed on the patio from the hours of 8PM to 11AM due to complaints about the noise we caused. We never intended for our use of the patio to bother you or to interfere with your sleep and are very sorry that it has done so.

We regret that we have not been as respectful as we should have been, but we do all look forward to coming home and having dinner together; meeting our fellow neighbors; gardening together; and otherwise enjoying the community space we have created. We also love using the area for meditation, writing, painting, and other silent activities.

We would like to ask for a compromise of sorts, and have the hours be changed to match the hours of the laundry room, between 8am and 10pm every day. Would everyone be amenable to making the patio available to all residents for use (including talking, at a reasonable decibel level) between these hours?

All other times would be quiet/silent.

So, far, everyone I've spoken with is ripshit and offended at the notion that we have an 8pm curfew from the back door of our building.

I suggested we all sit on the front stoop. And then complain of unlawful imprisonment after 8 pm.

okey dokey, even the old guy upstairs didn't complain. I think I've narrowed the complainant down to the sociopath on the second floor who flushes his toilet as soon as maggie gets in the shower, as revenge for the one time she did it to him (accidentally).

I really don't see how they can put a curfew on one of your doors. Isn't that a fire hazard or something? It's so absurd.

Edited because I really can spell. Kind of.

okey dokey, even the old guy upstairs didn't complain.

One of the irritating things to me is that instead of the building manager speaking with us (as our prior manager did) about an issue, this weird curfew was put into effect.

And what she never considered is that we all feel like ASS for keeping someone up. Everyone out back would have apologized, packed up our stuff, and gone in.

Is this the same chick who doesn't change burnt lightbulbs for weeks? Is she even allowed to make policy for the whole building?

There are still no lights in the upstairs hall.

I had to put a lamp in the laundry room and write a note about the safety of tenants using scary language.

I had to threaten to get a lawyer to have my doorknob, heater, and the holes in my wall repaired (they went through my wall to fix someone else's toilet) and that was months ago.

So far, they've gotten to the doorknob.

I know. I'm saving to move. But now my skin is on fire with rage at being treated like I live in a mean orphanage.