Read Foucalt's Pendulum.

I read it, like, 15 years ago, and can no longer remember anything about the plot. (Frankly, I couldn't figure out what the hell I just read even then. It was entertaining though.) Except for the part where someone proclaimed that the Templars were all into Hot Gay Lovin' on account of riding the horses pressed against each other and stuff. That cracked me up.

I canna explain the Shriners.

Fezzes and go-carts - what's to explain? I think they're the last bastion of the surrealists.

Shriners are a branch of Masons. Wouldn't it be Elks wearing the antlers?

Shriners will wear pretty much anything.

What about the Loyal Order of Waterbuffalo? Or the Stonecutter's Union?

Shriners will wear pretty much anything.

Well, sure. But that's unofficial. (I used to be part of a Masonic order.)

Oh yeah - what about the Oddfellows?

I may be behind in my conspiracy theoryology, but I thought that the Illuminati were (supposedly) an anti-Catholic/Protestant/heretical faction whose mortal enemies are the crypto-Catholic Knights of Malta.

What's the current one that has suspicious hush-hush conferences attended by all the high muckey-mucks of various governments? Bilderberg, or something like that?

Yeah Matt - The Bilderberg Group.

The kind of thing that makes me feel okay about my paranoia.

[link]

Or the Stonecutter's Union?

Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg, a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do!